He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.