The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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