I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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