you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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