a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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