If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
