your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
