And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
