Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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