i don't like sucking hair
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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