I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
