dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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