He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
His nipple licking is glorious
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