We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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