Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
