She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
