so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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