The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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