i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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