One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
