there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
