chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
