found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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