i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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