just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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