The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All the doctor said was why
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
