She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
