This is not my ceiling
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
