Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
