There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
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We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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