He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
