I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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