I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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