I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
