Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
