You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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