well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
