I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
home. puking in laundry basket.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
