If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize