I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
