i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just found puke in my bra..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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