Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
