just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
