The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
