Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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