you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
