Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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