we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
