dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
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I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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