if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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