apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
