Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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