I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
