just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
