I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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