I wanna passion pit in your ass
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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