We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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