If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
