So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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