i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
