he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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