Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You are the jesus of drinking
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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