he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
