This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
