I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
