alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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