I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
