Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
