Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
