if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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