Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
